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Cheat Sheet For Forgiving When Angry

Cheat Sheet For Forgiving When Angry

4 Point Cheat Sheet For Forgiving When Angry.

Today I want to talk about a topic that many don’t like to talk about, and that topic is forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a very fun topic to discuss simply because the act of forgiving is incredibly hard. Unfortunately, there are some pretty icky consequences for harboring unforgiveness and all of these consequences hurt us, not the one that wronged us.  If you’d like to learn exactly why it really is in our own best interests to forgive, and four ways to forgive people even when you are really angry, please keep reading!

In Matthew 18, Jesus tells Peter the parable of a slave whose massive debt was forgiven by a king.  After this slave’s debt was forgiven, this same slave then refused to forgive a much smaller debt owed to him by his own slave.  When the king heard about this, he seized the unforgiving slave and handed him over to be tortured until he had repaid all his debt to the king.  Then Jesus says in Matthew 18:35, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.

The bible calls us to forgive those that have sinned against us, in the same way that God forgives us when we sin against Him and others.

Having said all that, let me now say this:  Even if we know full well that we should forgive, it doesn’t make it any easier!  It’s like the smoking doctor.  The doctor academically knows full well how terrible smoking is for his body, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier for him to quit.

Unforgiveness is formed from an event that has wounded and hurt us emotionally and sometimes even physically.  Anger is present when we feel like we have been hurt and wronged unfairly.  God is not diminishing your hurt or anger when He tells you that you need to forgive those that have hurt you.  God always acknowledges all your anger and hurt and pain, and it grieves Him to see His children be hurt, the same way it grieves a parent to see their child be hurt.  God is also not telling us to become a victim and allow a person to continue to hurt us.  God is simply telling us to forgive the person who has hurt us and made us angry, and not to harbor any bitterness, anger, or hate towards that person going forward.

At this point you are probably thinking to yourself, “That’s easier said than done!".  And let me say to you, yes!  It definitely is!  I am right there with you.  In fact, the tips I am about to give you to help you forgive people were formed from my own personal experiences.  I have been hurt by people too.  Honestly, it's sort of impossible to go through life and not run into people that are going to hurt you and do some really messed up stuff to you.  I have practiced these four tips myself and I know they work because they have helped me with my own unforgiveness.  These four tips are designed to help you forgive in circumstances when you are angry and really want to do the exact opposite of forgiving them.

1. Read about the deadly health effects of unforgiveness.

hospital bed

Let’s say that you are not fully convinced that it is really in your best interests to forgive people.  If this is you, then I would invite you to read about the health effects that unforgiveness has on people. Symptoms include chronic anxiety, depression, insomnia, high blood pressure, and more.  Just check out this article by CBN News on the deadly consequences of harboring unforgiveness: The Deadly Consequences of Unforgiveness.  Insomnia itself has a whole host of terrible health effects, just see my posts, 11 Skinny People Habits That Keep Me Thin, and 7 Ways to Have 21 Year Old Skin At Any Age if you don’t believe me.

Our pastor recently told us a story about how he once visited a dying man at a hospital. After the usual pleasantries, the man erupted in a foul, anger fueled rant about all the people he hated.  When our pastor left he room, he went to speak to this man’s doctor, and the doctor said to him, “that man is literally killing himself with unforgiveness”.  When it comes to your health, there is really no question that unforgiveness is in your best interests.

2.  Ask yourself how you would feel if something horrible happened to your offender.

I think as humans we find it very comfortable to skate along hating and resenting people.  But what if some of your secret bad wishes for them actually came true? How would you feel then?  I remember one of our favorite pastors telling his congregation to be very careful about saying bad things could happen to people because Christians have a lot of power.  It’s so easy to be hurt by someone and then wish bad stuff for them, and its pretty comforting to do this, but what if something really terrible did happen to them?  How would you feel then?  You would probably be filled with guilt and have a really hard time forgiving yourself.  For this reason too, it is best to forgive your offender.  This way you will never have any guilt if something bad should happen to them in the future.

3.  Remember that you are a millionaire.

suitcase of dollar bills

Let me explain what I mean in this point since I’m pretty sure not too many of us actually have millions in our bank account.  When I say that you are a millionaire, I mean that you are a millionaire in God’s kingdom. You essentially “won the jackpot” when you accepted Jesus, God’s Son, as Lord because that action granted you access to spending eternity with Jesus in heaven.  In fact, accepting or not accepting Jesus as Lord is the single biggest, most important, decision you will ever make in your entire life.  There is no other decision more important than this one because this decision alone determines where your soul will spend eternity, which is a very long time, after you die.  Those who have accepted Jesus as Lord have essentially “made it” just like the millionaires on earth have made it, but their riches are waiting for them in heaven, and unlike worldly currency, they will never run out.  This is a really big deal people!  I know that it can be hard to grasp while we live out our day to day lives here on earth, but it should never be forgotten, especially during the hardships we endure here on earth.

Let me ask you something:  How would you feel if you won the jackpot right now?  What would your mental state be if you suddenly inherited millions of dollars?  I’m willing to bet that your mental state would pretty much be that of floating on clouds happy, am I right?  Have you ever seen an unhappy new millionaire?  I haven’t!  You’d be so happy that you’d completely forget everyone who hurt you in your past and did bad stuff to you.

Another key ingredient to forgiving others is to try to get into this millionaire mental state here on earth and remember that no matter how bad things are here on earth, you have a one way ticket out of this life straight to heaven where eternal riches, happiness, rest, and fellowship with Jesus are waiting for you.  If you can remember this, it will be much easier to forgive the hurt bestowed upon you by others.

4.  Ask yourself if you have ever offended others.

boy with a mean face

We all love to focus on the ways we have been hurt and offended, and ignore all the ways we have hurt others.  Stop for a second and think about whether you have ever hurt someone in your life?  Chances are, even if you are the sweetest, nicest, most agreeable person, you have still probably offended or hurt a person or two.  Okay maybe it was in your youth, or maybe it was on the road.  Those seem like more innocent offenses right?  But an offense is still an offense.

I am a really sensitive person by nature and I feel like I was given a gift of having a lot of empathy for others.  I find it pretty easy to put myself in the shoes of others and understand what they may be feeling.  That said, even I, with this type of sensitive and understanding personality, have hurt and offended way more than a handful of people in my life time.  It's sort of almost impossible to go through life and avoid hurting anyone.  

After admitting that you yourself have probably hurt and wronged people too, ask yourself if you have hurt any of the people you are harboring unforgiveness against?  This is an incredibly eye opening exercise that I have done myself with those that have hurt me.  I say all of this to say, how can you not forgive those who have offended you when you have offended others?  Are you yourself not worthy of forgiveness either?

I sincerely hope that this four point cheat sheet will make it easier for you to practice forgiveness.  I leave you with this final thought: Unforgiveness is pure poison, because not only can it sicken and even kill us, it can also kill our relationship with our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus.  It is hard to pray and ask for forgiveness of our daily sins when we are refusing to forgive others around us.  God has our best interests at heart and He knows that it is in our best interest to forgive. 

If you are suffering from hurt or emotional pain, you may also find my post, What To Do When Someone Has Wronged You, helpful to you.

You may enjoy some of my other mental health and marriage articles as well.  All of these articles can be found under my Mental Health page and my Relationships page.

Please feel free to check me out on my other platforms here: Instagram, Pinterest, Flipboard, and StumbleUpon.  I love my readers and followers! 


Just a makeup mama who loves to play, and slay, with her makeup.  Learn my beauty secrets and explore my world at: The Makeup Equation

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I'm a sensitive person too and I agree, not forgiving people really is awful. Holding onto that doesn't help anyone.

Julia // The Sunday Mode


Yes! Totally agree Julia! Thanks so much for stopping by! XOXO, Petra


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