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Affairs Are Great At Removing These 5 Things From Your Life

have an affair if you want to remove these things from your life

Why You Should Have An Extra-Marital Affair If You Want To Remove These 5 Things From Your Life.

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We are now in the month of January, and the two most common activities in the month of January are loosing weight and getting divorced.  Today I am writing the first post in a series of posts I am doing on the topic of marriage.  You can view my other posts in the marriage series under my page, Relationships, which is found at the top of my site, please just make sure to view in web, not mobile, version to see all my pages.

The topic of today's post concerns extra-marital affairs.  There are five things that an extra-marital affair is an expert at removing from your life.  If you'd like to see what those five things are, please keep reading.
There are five things that get removed from a person's life as a result of having an affair. 

For the purposes of this post, let me define what I mean by the word affair.  Whenever I write the word affair, it will refer to having sexual relations with someone who is not your husband or wife, while you are still married. 

Without further ado, let's get into the five things that will go bye-bye as a result of an affair:

1. Your Money.

affairs make you loose money

Steamy extra-marital affairs are the stuff of many a romance novel, TV show, and movie.  They make affairs look exotic, intoxicating, and thrilling.  And really, they are not wrong in portraying affairs this way, because affairs are exactly like this, at least in the beginning.  What these mediums fail to show is the consequences that come as a result of all this short-lived steamy passion.

If you are married, and you have been having an affair, and your spouse finds out, which generally ends up happening, you are likely headed straight for divorce.  Divorce is a funny word because on paper it can sound very liberating.  Divorce may sound like a solution and something that will usher in a new chapter of your life.  It is true that divorce will usher in a new chapter in your life, but this new chapter will be a chapter of being broke.

Divorce should really more correctly be associated with becoming broke and making lawyers rich, because this is exactly what occurs.  Since an affair will bring divorce, and divorce will cause you to have to pay money to lawyers to settle your divorce, affairs should definitely be associated with great loss of money.  Not only will you need to pay lawyer fees for a while, you will also be stuck with the divorce settlement itself, which will most likely include spousal and child support, among other things.

Divorce also can result in a few other things that will further reduce your financial wealth:

A quick and undervalued sale of your family home.

A loss of marriage tax status which will mean you will pay more money to the IRS every year.

A loss of monetary gifts on special occasions from relatives that will no longer be your relatives.

If you are lucky enough to avoid divorce with your spouse, you will most likely end up in couples therapy, and as most know, any form of counseling is most definitely not cheap.  The counseling will be long and costly, and unfortunately, there is no guarantee that after spending so much time and money on counseling,  divorce will still not still occur.

If you would like to deplete your savings and experience how it is to feel broke for a while, I really encourage you to have an extra-marital affair.

2.  The Respect Others Have For You.

Affairs can be exciting and intoxicating because the partner is new and you have not had to "do life" with them yet.  If you think back to when you fell in love with your spouse, the dating period was pretty great.  While dating your spouse, you likely had not seen them very sick, pregnant, or giving birth.  During the dating phase, you probably didn't have to share a bed with them night after night.  When dating, you did not have to agree on a parenting style.  And during dating,  you did not have to get on the same page about paying bills, spending money, and saving money.  Things are fun and all you really have to think about during the dating phase is just spending time with a person you always want to be next to.  Life is good, and an affair essentially recreates the dating experience all over again.  There is no serious commitment, no shared life goals.  It's just an affair.  And this may be why it becomes so easy to forget about what others will think of your actions after the fact.

After your affair is discovered, things will change drastically in your family, and one of the big changes will be the loss of respect people will have for you.  Your spouse will loose all respect for you.  Your kids may loose respect for you as they will wonder why you did this to their other parent.  Your spouse's parents will likely loose respect for you.  Your own siblings and parents may also loose respect for you if they had loved and accepted your spouse into the family.  Your co-workers may loose respect for you.  Your friends may loose respect for you if they had been friends with your spouse. Your church members may loose respect for you and you may even  be asked to give up certain roles you had in church.  

If you desire to loose the respect of a great many people who know you and love you, and loose it in a fairly quick time span, having an affair will definitely achieve this.
3. Your Children's Safety & Security. 

extra-marital affairs hurt the security of your children

As I mentioned in my first and second points, affairs are lots of fun, until people find out.  Once your spouse discovers the affair, you will likely be headed towards divorce.  Divorce drastically changes things for children.  Instead of living with both parents at all times, the children will likely now have to split their lives between two separate residences, or maybe even more if they will have to stay with other relatives during transition periods.  The children will now be asked to welcome strangers into their lives as the divorced members start to date again.  Not only do these activities interfere with a child's sense of overall security, such things can also endanger the physical safety of children.

If a married couple divorces, the new dates, partners, or step-parents, may not share the kind of love that a biological parent has for them.  Let me say here that thankfully there are many wonderful exceptions to this rule where the step-parents truly love the children like their own and this is really wonderful, but not always the case sadly.  The new unknown suitors may also have children of their own, and your children will be expected to now integrate and get a long with children they do not know.

Statistics show that step-father's, boyfriends, and older male children are common abusers of girls, and boys, that belong to the women they are with.  Sexual abuse is an absolutely devastating thing for a child to endure.  If the new suitors do not sexually abuse the children, the new suitors may be physically or emotionally abusive.  If none of these is the case, they may just be plain mean and unloving to the children in words and actions.  Any of these things can completely devastate and destroy a child's life, and instead of being treated like the most important part of the family, children will be left feeling unloved, unwanted, and like outsiders in their own home and family unit.  There is nothing sadder to me than this. 
4. True Love.

It's pretty hard to find true love by having an affair.  I think it makes logical sense that you won't end up finding a great person by cheating on your spouse.  As the golden rule goes, treat others the way you want to be treated.  Most people decide to get married because they have real love for that person and they want to spend the rest of their lives with them.  The person you are having an affair with most likely does not truly love you, especially if they know you are married.  If you are having an affair with someone that knows you are married, this person is not someone of good moral quality, and I would personally be scared that they would have an affair again if they ended up marrying me. 

Someone that sticks with you through the good, bad, and awful times in a long marriage truly loves you for you.  Someone that has sex with you with you a few times while knowing full well that you are going to destroy your life and your spouses life and your kids life by doing it, has no true love for you.  You've most likely heard the saying, "friends don't let friends drive drunk".  Friends also don't let friends have affairs.  Not only does this person you are having an affair with not love you, they are not even a friend.  The saddest thing here is that you will likely end up loosing the person that truly loved you.  People that truly love you don't just come around every day, and your spouse will have spent years learning to truly love and appreciate your soul.  When you have an affair, you will loose a person that truly loved you.  How incredibly sad.

5. Your Relationship with God.  

affairs hurt your relationship with God

Let's say that you have an affair and you are able to get over most of the life destroying consequences it will have on your life.  But this last point is something that is going to be much harder to get over.  If you are a Christian, you have a personal relationship with Jesus the Son, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit that lives inside of you.  If you have had an affair, it is going to be very hard to continue to go to God the Father in prayer and talk to Him and petition Him for things you need in your life and pray in Jesus' Holy name.  It may also become harder for you to read the bible.  

Now, let me be clear: God will forgive you of the sin of having an affair.  If you put a stop to living in sin, ask forgiveness of the people you have hurt as a result of your affair, and ask forgiveness of God for breaking the marriage covenant, something God takes extremely seriously, God will absolutely forgive you.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and one of the sins He died for was for the sin of affairs.

Unfortunately, you will mostly likely still feel a lot of guilt as a result of your sinful actions, and this will hurt your prayer life and your Bible reading life, and consequently, your life overall.  I could tell you over and over that God will forgive you, but if you struggle with feeling like He truly does, it's going to be tough to talk to Him on the daily and read His Word daily.  People who are actively participating in willful sin have non-existent prayer lives and Bible reading lives.  This is because the guilt of their actions is so heavy, that it makes it very hard to unite with the Holy Father and pray and read the Word. When someone feels guilty, they become more susceptible to falling out of God's will again, and re-committing similar sin again.  Guard your relationship with your heavenly Father, and avoid an affair in the first place.
Now that I have discussed the five things that affairs will rob you of, can I just be real with you guys for a moment here? 

I have been married for 10 years.  There have been plenty of ups and down in my marriage.  My husband and I have crazy chemistry, but we are also crazy different, and we have had more than our fair share of arguments, fights, and saying really messed up things to each other.  Have there been times in my marriage where I felt like I didn't love my husband and I wanted to find someone new to make me feel loved and special again?  Yup.

And I thank God for giving me the wisdom to know how utterly foolish those thoughts were in those moments.  Proverbs 29:11 says, "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end".  Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?".  My thoughts of having an affair were thoughts that came from my emotions in the moment.  Emotions of anger, hurt, and resentment.  Did you know that having resentment is one of the key predictors of whether someone will have an affair?  If you have a lot of resentment against your spouse, I would really recommend getting into couples therapy through a church.  If there are underlying issues that are causing you to feel hurt over and over again, these issues need to be brought out into the open, discussed, and solved.  The number one way to remove resentment in your life is through forgiveness, but if there are valid issues creating resentment, they need to be dealt with first in a loving and constructive environment, and couples therapy through a church will do just that. 

Ten years of marriage has taught me what true love really looks like.  When I met my husband, I thought I had true love for him.  I didn't.  I was just infatuated with him and enjoyed the excitement that comes with having someone really like you and be interested in you.  Truth is, I didn't know a thing about what true love looked like.  True love is love that loves through the good, bad, and awful times.  True love is love that loves even when you don't feel like being loving.  After 10 years of marriage, I now truly love my husband, and that love has been cultivated by sticking by him through the good, bad, and just plain crappy times, and by loving him through all circumstances and all seasons.

True love is love for someone's soul.  When someone loves your soul, they will put your needs above their own, and they will sacrifice themselves for your best.  Jesus died on the cross for us out of true love for our souls.  The person who wants to have an affair with you doesn't love your soul, because they are going to allow you to do something that is going to destroy your life, and your kids life, and your spouse's life.  If they truly loved you, they would refuse to have an affair with you, because it would be what is the truly best and safest thing for you.  

If you are looking for some good books on marriage, here are a few that I have personally read and would recommend:

Sacred Marriage Participant's Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Daughters of Sarah

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